#2 Unnecessary Actions

Sorry i haven’t been in a relatively good mood lately. I can’t even begin to express how i feel.

First downer of 2012, i’m gonna live through this.

Here’s a list of unnecessary things i do all the time:

- Hold my pee in (its really bad ya know)

- Shake my legs like i’ve got Parkinson’s or something

- Walk on the left side of a path or a person (i am not a vehicle)

- Do a little four-step dance while trying to catch my balance on the train (instead of holding onto the pole thats right beside me)

- Drink from a cup exactly where my mouth first touched it

- MAKE LISTS ON A BLOG

#1 Irrational Fears

Yes i’m making them now because elaborating everything can get so annoying sometimes.

This is a list of all my irrational fears (or at least the ones i can think of):

- Tumbling down a flight of stairs

- Dying soon

- Something might crawl in or out of my ear

- Wall cabinets falling onto my head

- People throwing stuff (fire/bombs/shit) into my open windows

Help. I can’t sleep!!!!

Emotions in Words

This, I cannot do. I don’t seem to have the ability to properly convert my feelings into words. They often come out sounding very awkward and fake, and not describing accurately what it is i’m feeling.

I’m a descriptive person. I see what’s on the surface and I translate them. I can’t look at someone and perhaps link what their furrowed brows might be telling the world.

Perhaps because emotions are not to be written and read by the masses but felt. Felt through the expressive muscles of the face, the energy someone exudes when describing something. Emotions that are passed along person to person.

Having said that, of course the people who are able to pass along sadness or excitement through their writing, make very good writers. That will be something i’ll never be able to achieve. But ‘never’ is a long time, i’ll try somewhere along the way.

I am also absolutely horrible at comforting people. My favourite trick would be to make jokes but that seems to have stopped working. I guess this is what makes me a terrible friend. Because of this ‘trait’ that i have, i never expect much out of people when i’m sad, i rarely ever speak of my sadness. I wouldn’t ever wanna render someone helpless because they cannot help ease some of it.

When I see somebody writing huge chunks of sad text, I just want to envelop them into my arms and maybe comfort them with some warmth. And then not speak and have comfortable silence, broken only by sobs.

I really am horrible at comforting people, but I just want to let my everyone know that I am here for you. If you would tell me, i would love to listen.

These Days

These few days, my body has been really weird.

I usually fall deep into sleep within 5 minutes, but since Sunday night, its taken me way longer. 3 hours worth of hot hot sexy action (tossing and turning really) then i’m sleeping. Barely even, i wake up every hour thinking its time to go to work.

Tuesday night saw me drained of life and I was sick to the stomach with exhaustion. Nauseous and a really horrible headache. Wednesday morning I woke up with the headache carried forward the next day and super spaced out. Last night was pretty okay, only took me about an hour. And i say ‘only’ -_-

Besides not being able to sleep well at night, I am also constipated. Either that or i have no bowels in my system which is highly impossible.

I know i shouldn’t be talking about shit and stuff on my blog, except this is an exception for me. And i am really frustrated by it.

Well it just dawned on me just now the cause behind my recent insomnia. I slept the entire new years’ weekend away (cos i was sick) and then everyday at work i’m at a desk watching mindless television. Energy input =/= energy output!!!!!!! Too much leftover energy in my system has kept me awake at night.

Its the only explanation I can come up with and i guess i’m sticking with it because i think myself to be mighty smart.

As to my constipation, it too shall pass. Both the constipation and the bowels.

Am at the airport now, waiting for my family to arrive. The ones arriving from France and the ones coming to pick them up. I swear in one’s life, nearly half the time is spent waiting. Waiting for the right one to come along, waiting for transport, waiting for death and geez you’re not dumb, you get it!

Resolutions II

I hope its not too late to add on to my New Years’ resolutions.

I know i’ve already talked about double Hs, sounds like i’m really contented with it. But forgive my foggy mind that morning, having just recovered from a bout of the cold and it was morning!

(Yeah yeah the bulk of my posts have been written in the morning but they’re shit anyway lol)

For 2012, I would like a main dish of Courage, with Love as my side, and drenched in appreciation gravy.

(Damn it I am really hungry!!!!!!!)

I would like the courage to love fiercely, to drop all worries and be myself, and the courage to pursue my passion (wherever it could be found).

To love fiercely, to love whatever i’ll be doing, to love myself. There’s lots of hope in my heart. What more can a girl do, except hoping and hoping?

Appreciate the people around me, the things i am able to own, and generally everything. (For example, the fact that I have trains to take, that i won’t need to change three or four buses to get to my destination.) How many are able to do this? Precisely, not many. It is a cultivated art.

2012, give me a chance to be a better person.

P/S i would like my confidence and good temper back!!!!!

Hello 2012

2011 you sucked. You’ve been such a bitch to me over the last few days, especially the last. Made me sneeze and burn up and cough and then got me to vomit out my first decent meal in days.

(The last time i had jap cuisine, i puked too. I guess my body repulses sushi more than i do.)

Worst of all, you made me talk to you like you’re some sort of person. For your performance the last few days, i’m gonna give you an F grade for the entire year. 2011, you shall not be missed.

I actually cannot remember what has happened the entire year. Sure i remember dwindling down to a very deep and dark hole every now and then, but i guess i was just too busy working and working that i forgot to live.

With nothing that will be missed, goodbye 2011!

2012 you hold some very promising aspects for me in my life. I’m taking a break from all that’s necessary (a full time job or a further education), and i’m going to re-discover myself. Not spiritually, no. I’m doing all the things i love, and then some.

Oh talk is cheap, talk is really really cheap. I do hope that i’ll do what i set out to, otherwise it will just be another year gone by like that.

Hopes and wishes for the new year? Everybody be happy and healthy. Double H.

I wish everyone all the best for the new year!!!!!! Double H!!!!!

Why I’ll Never Be Cool Enough

1. Music

Music to cool people are like their bible, their air, their world. They own (or have owned) an ipod classic, 32gbs worth of gold at least.

Cool people listen to Bon Iver, Deer Ticks (romangoodbye i am looking at you), Foal(s), La Dispute, Birdy, The Smiths (thanks to 500 Days of Summer, im sorry but i don’t get their music) other indie bands etc.

At this point, you can call them Hipsters.

I listen to Kings of Leon, The Beatles, Adele, Paramore…. Hm nah i won’t fit in.

Geeeeez my earphones just died on me. See? Not cool enough. If i’m not wrong, cool people bring an extra set of earphones in their bags just so they couldn’t stop pumping music into their ears. Music is their air.

2. Clothes

Forever 21 ONLINE. No the store at 313 will not do. It has to be from the online store, otherwise everyone else will start owning the same clothes. Don’t forget Asos. They will tell you what Asos used to stand for. Also: Topshop, Cheap Mondays, Fred Perry.

Dr Martens. Perhaps it is too overrated now, so they leave it at home.

Toms. Never forget toms. Cool people started wearing them before ‘cool people’ did. Toms gives a pair of shoes to a child in Africa (?) for every shoe bought. Being hip earns you karma points (+100).

I wear chuck taylors, shoes from rubi, and whatever catches my eye and my heart. My clothes come from an array of places, most of them cheap.

3. Hair

There is always some colour in cool people’s hair. Pink being the absolute favourite, then turquoise, then blue maybe.

Additional hipster creds for having ombre hair. From one colour, it fades into another. Or dip-dyed hair.

Or they’d have shaved off a side of their head at some point or another.

I own plain long hair, i wear it the same way everyday.

4. Eyewear

Round frames, or tortoise shells. Uber cool and they wear them everywhere.

I own big frames but they’re mostly for home wear. I can’t compete with these people man.

-

I might have just described the bulk of Singaporean youths. Dammit Singaporeans, you’re too cool.

(Hostility is part of the cool package.)