I am super tired, haven’t had sufficient sleep the previous nights but today is finally the last and I should be able to get some decent sleep some time soon.

Last day of internship, but it sure isn’t my last day with the company. Gonna be freelancing with them for a while.

Seriously…. I love the people there and everything but I have so many ideas in my head that I want to carry out, where will i now find the time?! I’ve got serious leeching issues, I attach myself too quickly and easily. I don’t want blood though, here’s mine.

University applications are almost due and i’m glad I don’t have to fill out the shitty paperwork. Not this year at least. Getting a degree will forever be in the back of my mind.

Cross road’s here, where shall I go? What should I do?

One: my first love, performing. I’ve come a long way since my days on the stage, choir and chinese dance and i’ve never tried drama. Why. Why?! I continue to berate myself everyday. I wish to attend Lasalle but what if i only end up losing interest in something i once believed was truly right for me (ahem dmc ahem). I still hear my parents bright and clear as day, their futile attempts at making me take a business diploma instead.

Two: time is running out. I don’t just mean the 2012 apocalypse thing (i’m on the fence), but i hate feeling how i might be getting too old to try or start anything new. Coupled with my paranoia of harbouring a terminal illness that has not yet presented itself, or a car crash. Whichever, a tragedy is going to happen to me. I want to be 16 forever.

Three: I am miserably untalented. I had heard about this genetics test that would actually find out your talent and I got so excited that there was a possibility of me finding out what mine was. Unfortunately i probably heard wrong and couldn’t find even an inkling about it, not even in the predicted future of science. But hey technological advancements are unpredictable and new things are invented all the time. Perhaps when my children feel as hopeless and desolate as me, there will be such a technology for them.

(I wouldn’t know what to feel if it was tested and proven that i in fact, do not have a single strand of talented dna in me. I would however, find comfort in knowing that there is not an undetected slice of talent, just cos i’ve never had the opportunity to pick up a violin, or weave silk or blow a balloon with my vajayjay.)